Wow. If anyone told me that I'd be in the place I am now, 3 or 4 years ago, I'd have laughed in their face. Here I am sitting on the brink of the end of deployment, 25 year old, "single mom" of 2, waiting for my husband to get back from war. As hard as it's been, I don't think I'd trade this experience for the world. I am SO much stronger and independent from it, my husband and I have made HUGE strides in our relationship, and I can't wait to live life to it's fullest! I've found I can do things by myself I never thought I could, raising 2 kids alone? Check! Single taking on ALL household responsibilities alone, DOUBLE CHECK. Taking EVERY freaking crisis known to man on alone, CHECK. Giving birth to our son without him, DONE. I look back at who I was a year ago; dependent, scared, unable to take on ANY confrontation- that's not who I am anymore. I've done things I never thought possible, taken on family problems (my side and his) that I never thought I could face without him, and come out stronger on the other side.
Strangely, I've also come to realize how much I need my husband. How much I love him. He is my existence, my life, my reason. I adore him, I love him, he is my hero, my savior, my best friend, my lover...my world. We are forever. There were times I wasn't sure we were going to make it, but we both wanted to fight for this, so we did. We've come to some huge decisions about our life, where we want to go, who we want to be, how we want our kids to be raised.
This growth hasn't come easy though, I've cried my eyes out many times. Wanted to give up, regretted decisions I've made, hated my husband, hated myself, been so mad at everyone around me, and cried some more. It's definitely been a rough road, but as I've said worth it. Can't wait for my countdown to be over!
I can't wait for the little things, folding laundry while Kevin plays with the boys, cooking him dinner, baking him brownies, cuddling on the couch, fighting over the remote, laughing at our stupid jokes...so exciting!
